Northwestern 12-18-10

Vandals strike the Drake

Chicago– Sometime during the Mayor’s Winter Ball, held at The Drake Hotel, our fair cities crime statistics took another sharp spike.

Vandals entered into the lobby of the Drake some hours after the inception of the Ball, and at time of writing are still dangerous, and at large.

The investigative report asserts that the vandals entered into the lobby and assaulted the night clerk with some sort of stun gun, leaving two puncture wounds on his neck. The clerk suffered massive blood loss, and is currently at Northwestern Memorial in critical condition.

The vandals then proceeded to steal one of the Drake’s fire pokers and used it to smash open the protective glass of the fireplace, causing a fire to run rampant in the lobby, causing damage well in excess of $500,000.

The police later recovered the fire poker, identifying it by the unique script D in the handle, in a dumpster some blocks away, bent at an extreme angle and wiped clean of prints. Police are baffled by this turn of events.

Chief investigator on the case, Detective Ethan DeLancey of the Chicago Police Department, when questioned about the vandalism, responded: “It’s absolutely insane how well coordinated these thugs were – the video evidence of the lobby was discovered to be missing. It’s like they knew we’d be trying to hunt them down, and they’re hiding.”

There have been no reports of casualties during the evacuation.

by Elton Mackinroy12/13/2010

Northwestern 12-18-10

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